Mosaic Mom

Oh my lawd,what's that woman going to mosaic now?
Is that a grocery buggy?

Stay tuned and see!


In other news...
Just a note: Hurricane Gustav is so big, we are having wind and squalls again today from it. I will be working on the cart instead of going shopping. Also the Beg-A-Thon has started on the TV news. If you feel you must give away money, send it HERE! I will put it into this project!

Post Fay Mosquitoes are everywhere!

We cannot fetch the mail without blood loss.

We cannot sit in the shed...inside the shed,,,they manage to get in! I have mosaics to do. Plant Daddy wants to repair the cart.

So yesterday I went on a spray rampage with the Lawn and Garden stuff from Lowe's.
I sprayed the house and the shed perimeters.
I sprayed the bushes.
I sprayed the large philodendron and the bromiliads and setcreceas.

I think I got 'em. Or at least knocked them down a little.
Monument to the Mosquitoes! (now dead)

Mosaic Mom and Plant Daddy have a little golf cart.

In the evenings, we zip around the farm perimeter.
We look for coyotes.
We look for holes in the fences through which cows might invade.
We look at the sunsets and wish we were artists.

Then we park and plug the little cart and all is well.

Last Saturday, we went to plug in and I said, “Plant Daddy, I smell smoke. I think the cart is on fire.”

“You have an overactive imagination and an overzealous nose,” says PD.

But no, I lifted the seat and lo and behold! Them battries was a smokin’!

“Push it out of the shop before we catch the place on fire,” shouted PD, who never shouts. So we did.

It did not flame up, thank God, and when it was cool enough to handle, PD took it apart and determined the problem and on Monday, ordered a repair part.

We have had no little cart for 4 days. This is not much of a problem for me getting to and from the pepper patch, but Plant Daddy has to cover all the irrigation stations and that’s a lot of hiking to all the spigots.

(Yes, we had 14 inches of rain last week, but sand is sand and this week we gotta irrigate.)

I felt bad for PD hoofin’ it all over the farm, so I espied Melvin’s ATV in the Z shop.
PD can use this to save steps, I decided.
I was trying to hot wire it when PD came along and said, “Here’s the key.”

We hopped on and went zoom across the fields.
We were dizzy with speeds of 10 mph cause compared to the golf cart, that’s motorin’, baby!

We laughed hysterically all the way.
I was huggin’ his waist and shreikin’ words of love in his ear like…

“Don’t run over any turtles!”
“Slow down!” and
“Let’s get matching tattoos!”

We zoomed all around the perimeter, the dump pile, through the tall grass.
We parked it for the night grinning from ear to ear.

Biker Daddy lit up a cigar and poured himself a whiskey!
Biker Mom went for the drugs…ADVIL…having thrown my hip out mounting the damn thing.


This morning PD used it to hit the irrigation stations. Yay!

Tonight we will be zooming around here again…or maybe the repair part for the golf cart will be available (better) (safer)(much less fun, tho).

We will not be getting tattoos.

These guys are professionals. Don't try this at home, kids!

Mosaic Gramma wants to try to grow some garlic in her zone 7 backyard.

Here's a page that might give some advice, although it is hard to do where the climate is warm.
Hope that works!
Good luck and good growing!

I took the DE Pool Filter apart all by myself...used crescent wrenches,,,and Raid to kill 2 black widow spiders nesting there in...

Cleaned the whole works and re assembled it...sort of.

I will need Plant Daddy's help to find the socket wrenches when he gets home. I can't get the crescent wrench to work cause the bolts spin. Grrr.

But that saved another 75 dollars from pool service charges! Yay!

How to stay sane during a Tropical Storm with 13 inches of rain in 4 days...


I haven't finished it yet, but afternoon thunderstorms are due again today!

Happy Anniversary to me and Plant Daddy.

This marks the 29th year.

We exchanged cards over coffee this morning, then PD motored off to Auto Zone to buy windshield wipers. We've had 14 inches of rain so far. Wore them wipers out!

I will motor off to Publix later and maybe even buy a cake to celebrate.

Yay! I love that man!
Thirty is gonna be purdy!

We woke up this morning to SUNSHINE! Yay!

The air is filled with butterflies...frittalaries, tiger swallowtails and sulphurs...all squabbling over the few open alamandas, jatrophas and thunbergia. All in all a beautiful sight.

Plant Daddy is mowing. I'm laundering and waiting for kid to call saying she's dry.

Our friends in the Panhandle called. They are getting rained on, but not too windy! Good! Their greenhouses will do better than ours hopefully.

Bring to mind the worst storm you’ve ever driven in.

Your windshield wipers are flappin’ as hard as they can go. The windshield doesn’t even clear between strokes.

What’s in front of you is grey. You can barely see to the end of the hood of the car. You abandoned seeing the pavement. You’re trying to feel the road.

You shut off the radio so you can hear the shoulder. Winds are buffetting, threatening your traction.
You grip the steering wheel so tight your knuckles hurt. Palms sweat.

What does it last?
Maybe half an hour?

Okay, now imagine that storm lasting at that level of intensity for an hour. Two hours.

Imagine that intensity for four, five, six hours.

That’s what we had today. A little rain.

Ok, ok. Understatement.

Greenhouse 11 is gone.
So is the screen porch.

No trees down. Power’s OK. Pool overflowed but is flowing away from the house. A fallen branch caught debris, so the driveway flooded again. Grrr.

Boredom is maxed out.
I’m tired of wet feet.

This morning before the rain started, I picked up mower blades. Then made a stop at Lowe’s.
Headed for McDonalds where I couldn’t get waited on, so I went to KFC and had a chicken sandwich. Yum.
Went to Target for cat food and that’s when it started to rain. Made a final stop at Ace Hardware to get Lexel adhesive.

I’m glad I made the errands today. Tomorrow will be a different story. Everybody has cabin fever and wants out.

The news said thousands…yes thousands! of people had hit the streets in Melbourne since the rain stopped over there.

Can you say traffic accidents waiting to happen?

The rain started about 1:30 AM. I got up and padded into the living room, peeked out the patio doors. The wind rumbled and howled, louder and louder…no, wait, that was Plant Daddy who snored through the whole storm.

We got another inch of rain overnight so the total is now at 2.25 inches in 2 days. A new record!

Plant Daddy’s timing on the fertilizer application was perfect. He had me phone the mower shop this morning to order new blades, causa we’re gonna need them in about a week!

Thanks to my efforts, the driveway has not flooded.

Other than that, we are waiting for the sun to come out.

Yesterday at 2:30 PM the skies opened up.

We got 1.25 inches of rain in about an hour.

That is a record…That is the most rain we’ve ever had out of a hurricane in 29 years!

While it was raining, Plant Daddy was in Ocala at a meeting, so I was left alone to save the farm. Actually the farm needed saving.

We had forgotten to dig the drainage trench along the driveway on Sunday. The rain shower was enough to back up a small “lake” in the driveway, so I set to to clear the ditch.

Whack! Whack! Down with the wisteria so I could access the ditch.

Lop! Lop! Back, you overzealous lantana bush. Make way!

Scoop! Scoop! I shoveled sandy silty clog to free the channel.

Until I hit the root. Ka-Whump!

I fetched the saw.
No, not the chainsaw; the little Japanese handsaw, last used to clear Maple tree roots from the other well.

I pressed said hand saw into service to hack this Prunus carolinia root from my ditch.

Hand saw…inch by inch…up and back and up and back…No points for intelligence on that one.

Let me shorten this story considerably and cut to the part where I sit on the couch in agony sucking down Advil as fast as my little lips can manage.

I cleared the ditch and I expect to be able to use my arms again by next Thursday.

Here’s the insult. Tropical Storm Fay has not dropped one more drop of rain since yesterday. Not a one. Zero. Nada.

I hate hurricanes.

PS. Plant Daddy got home about 6PM and rushed out to fertilize the yard. He, too, is cursing the complete lack of rain.

Oh Joy!

It’s Monday morning.

I didn’t sleep that well last night.
In fact the last two nights I’ve had nightmares!

On Saturday night, I dreamed I was on trial for murder. An old classmate, Susan Hamby, was on the jury. My lawyer said I had to get Susan Hamby’s vote to stay alive!

On Sunday night, I dreamed I went to a restaurant and had to use the ladies room. As I entered the stall, a would-be rapist was trying to push into the stall and attack me.

I was successfully fighting him off as I woke up, but I decided to nix plans to go out to eat when Plant Daddy and I have our anniversary coming up next weekend.

Do these dreams have deep Jungian meaning?

Who cares…Hurricane Fay is en route and all the arrows are pointing to my house!

This morning, we moved the statue of Mr. Happy under cover. Plant Daddy hoisted a pallet of fertilizer out of the flood zone.

He has to drive to a meeting in Ocala today. I will be left alone to pick up potential flying debris.

I will probably not go out to the writers group tonight if feeder bands begin to come in.

This is because there are large oak trees lining Hwy 46 just on the outskirts of Sorrento. I don’t think they’d fall on me, but if large branches fall and block the road, I couldn’t get home.

I’d be stuck out there... a Writer on the Storm.

Ok Ok Apologies to The Doors.
I'd better shut my trap and get to work now.

Here comes Hurricane Fay! Oh Joy!

I bought the last 2 jars of applesauce this morning at Publix.
Also 2 cans of pork n beans and a sack of onions.

I keep us stocked up this time of year, so I'm not in a panic but there was definitely panic buying going on...especially in the batteries and bottled water aisles.

I will be staying home...having been rear ended by one of those panic driven drivers during Hurricane Charlie or Francis or Jeanne or one of them.

It's hot and humid. Not looking forward to the lack of A/c.

Maybe Friday was the day to call up the Morality Police or something.

Cause while I’m at it I will tell you about this…

I was in my mosaic studio at about 1:20PM Friday after lunch, in the afternoon and I was finishing my mosaic rock, minding my own business, when lo and behold…

96.5FM radio is buzzing along and here comes an advertisement for Ford trucks.

The ad contains a word so nasty that Mom cannot write it.

Mom is fluent in the language genre containing that word, but even in a fit of pete, Mom does not utter THAT word!

And here it was on the radio!

Ford must think…”We’re so clever to sneak this word in.” and surely they are thinking that all the little boys, be they 16 or 56 will go “Tee Hee” Ford snuck that word in. Cool.

Well, Dearest Ford Motor Company, that word was indeed very effective. I will never forget your ad.

I will never forget the feeling of disgust. The feeling that “I need to wash”.

I will never forget thinking that you erred greatly by offending me, a potential customer who could afford to buy any car she wanted.

No I shall not forget the word and its use in your ad.

I will never ever buy a Ford now that that association with that word is in place.

I won’t even be able to drive past a Ford dealership without thinking of that word and feeling my stomach churn.

Do you think Plant Daddy and I lead an innocent life in the country?

Well, we do…but occasionally we go to town on errands.

And tonight went to the Lake Square Mall over on the Target entrance and there was a whore!

No really!

Out in the open! In public! It was totally disgusting.


As PD and I approached from parking our little Sentra, I noticed a Black Youth sitting on the bench on the left of the entrance. I noticed him because of his huge Afro and 4 or 5 strands of silver chains. I have not seen jewelry like that since the 80’s. He kept looking to his left, so I followed his line of sight and there they were!

The customer was a Black Youth with braids to his shoulders. He was seated on the other bench. He was wearing a black shirt and those large, baggy, fall off so you can see my large black derrier, trousers.

The Whore was a white female and she was wearing a nice turquoise sweater and a skirt. She had wavy black hair, which might have been a wig given the perfect coiffure contrasted with this evening’s humidity.

She was straddling his lap.

Oh my, I thought, she is going to give him a lap dance right out here
curbside
by Target.

Blech!

Plant Daddy went inside Target, grabbed our purchase. There was no line, so we checked out right away and exited. I looked to my left.

She had her hands inside his pants and was massaging vigorously!
I’m not making this up!

So astonished was I , I said to Plant Daddy, “Look! Look! A whore and a customer. And she’s working it right out in front of Target! Can you imagine!”

Only…I said it a little too loud.

The whore jumped off the customer.

The customer stood up and braced himself against the wall of Target and adjusted the crotch of his pants with an up and down motion of his right hand!

Mr. Silver Chain Afro bolted off his bench towards us.

“Go!” suggested Plant Daddy with some urgency.

And indeed, we bolted for the Sentra and locked the doors and drove home in haste to watch the DVD we bought called Bat Man Begins.

Wow! Real life whores at Lake Square Mall in broad daylight!.
Holy Cow, Bat Man!

If you want a floral thrill
Plant this new white Man-de-ville

This new one is Bride’s Cascade
It don’t need to grow in shade!

It ain’t got no yellow leaves
Nor no leaf spot, if you please.

This is August, should be dead
But it’s growing good instead.

This new plant I do adore
Buy one at your garden store.

BRIDES CASCADE. New for 2009!

A Poem by Me

If you want to look real dumb,
Plant you a ger-a-ni-um.

When doth come the summer heat,
Your land scape will look real beat.

Flowers? No, there will be none
On your sad ger-a-ni-um.

Florida is way too hot.
Geraniums they will grow…NOT!




Choose Wisely!

There is a pause in the writing frenzy at the moment, so I actually went to the studio this evening and started a project. It is a mosaic rock...very mindless but very relaxing. Just what I needed.

I was musing about Cooperative Education. I wonder if that program survived the budget cuts? School starts soon so perhaps news will trickle in....not that I'm teaching mosaics ...but I wonder.

The high schools , which are usually the venues for the Quest classes, will be on a new schedule. Kids will be dismissed at 4:30PM...That's really late in the day, for art club or music practice or any extracurricular activity.

In the last 2 days, I've written a small 800 word piece about bell peppers.

I'd first thought to send it for the Library Writer Post Webpage, but I think I'll run it through Palm Group for a review in September.

It has a sentence that containes a simile and a metaphor in the same sentence. Can you do that grammatically speaking? I'd better get a read on it.

Is it fiction or this new classification they call "Creative Non-fiction" because it talks about foot candle measurements of light? Better get a read on that too.

Other than that, it's a rainy day. Good to stay inside. Write and roast Okra for dinner! Yay!

Here is my sister's pound cake.

She has started blogging again at mobilebabe.
But she isn't sharing the recipe!

Haven't been to Sanford Mall in an age, so trotted over with the kid today.

She immediately got an Antonio Melani blouse on sale for $30. Originally over $100.

Would that Karma rub off on me?

Oh Hell No!

I tried on over a dozen pieces but came away empty handed. Sigh.

Got really excited over one Dana Buchman blouse. Originally 70 bucks on sale for 10!!! I could be like those rich ladies who came to mosaics class in their Dana Buchmann suits! But alas, the arm holes were the size of Texas! It was not my day.

Also bought Plant Daddy a second pair of Croc shoes!

My sister in South Dakota is a winner!

In the County Fair...

Her Pound Cake took a Second and

Her Apple Spice Cake won a Blue Ribbon!!!

I've been to Office Max 4 days in a row now. I am getting all the nit picky details of sending off the manuscript done.Clips, bubble wrap, binders, folders, a new office chair for Plant Daddy...had to go in the truck for that one...

The best $20 I ever spent was paying Office Max to copy 2 sets of the mss onto the linen paper. That paper jammed and jammed and jammed and at last, the boy tried to sneak some not linen copies in on me, but I checked each and every page. I felt sorry for his ordeal, but glad I didn't try to wrassel that one myself with my small copier.

I started 13 months ago and at this writing tonight, the book is in a box ready to go to the post office.

Bigger than a big dog and who'd a'thought it?

Another round with the Orlando Sentinel…


Back in July, you will recall that Mom went to the mat to try to get a morning paper delivered. It took 5 hours, but, by golly, I got the paper that day.

Yesterday-6:15AM- no paper.

Here we go again.

I called the hotline at 6:20 AM.

“Our lines are not open till 6:30 AM” said the automaton.

Plant Daddy said, “Sometimes after the sun comes up, I can find the paper in the ditch. It will be light soon and surely we will find our paper.”

(Let me insert here that PD usually gets the paper in the morning. I did not know he was scouring the ditches on a regular basis to find the damn thing).

“Grrrr,” says Mom. “I am calling it in. Staking my territory in what may be another 5 hour battle.”

So I phoned at 6:30 AM. About 20 minutes later, Plant Daddy tromped in.

He put the flashlight into the closet, stomped his wet shoes on the entry mat, and proudly showed off his trophy…

“Look! Look!” says he. “I walked about 300 yards up the road in the wet grass with the flashlight, searching the ditch and dodging speeding traffic….but I found the paper!”

I called the Sentinel back to cancel the redeliver order.

Now, long about 6:00PM ish, Mom and Dad were watching the evening news. We usually do not watch the evening news, but it was too hot to be outside in the garden at 6PM. We were watching Channel 6.

The General Manager of Channel 6 came on the air to give an editorial. Do you know what his editorial was?

He is sad that the Orlando Sentinel might go out of business!!

It is the only newspaper in town sez he, and boo hoo, it is losing subscribers so badly that it is laying off staff and cutting the paper size in half.

Plant Daddy and I are dropping our jaws and laughing out loud. The General Manager probably didn’t have to wade down the ditch to get his issue this morning.

Our business was the Sentinel’s to lose and they lost it.

When our subscription renewal rolls around, we are either not going to renew, or are going to renew on a short term basis (quarterly vs. yearly)

We will probably try a subscription to the Leesburg Commercial.

Maybe the Commercial is taking better care of their delivery people and their customers. Maybe they can get us a daily paper.

And we won’t have to trot around in a wet, dark ditch to find it.

My neighbor is baling hay. I am gulping down Claritan as fast as my little tongue can swallow. What a choice...breathing or focus.

Today I will do the first of the month loop...bank, post office, Publix. I seem to have a huge stack of bills this month. Grrrrr.

I learned to construct clamshell boxes for delivering the manuscript. One of my stops today will be Office Max to get more poster paper for box construction.

Today is Kid's 25th Birthday!

Hope you have a wonderful day. Be safe and tell the Designated Driver,
"No Tailgating!"

It feels so strange. This is the first time in 25 years we are not having kid home and having a party, presents, cake, etc!

But I hear a crew is going to a club where the attraction is margaritas or dacquari's or some alcoholic beverage with dry ice. Smokin!

Have fun and be safe!

25 down and 75 more to go!

As a teenager, I spent hour after sad hour staring into my mirror, picking pimples. I thought outward perfection would translate into inner acceptance.

Now I am spending hour after hour picking at my manuscript.

I go over and over, page by page looking for errors in punctuation, pagination, political correctness.

Editorial perfection will help my cause for publication…you’d be amazed at how many writers never bother to use Spell-Checker!…BUT…

I need to remember that my work is good enough. It’s time to knock on doors and get some sales work done.

I have actually wound myself up into a state of gaseous frenzy and indigestion over all this. My submission deadline is August 15th. I’ll be relieved when all this is packed up and shipped out and I can just move on.